Of flying without wings

I've had the fortunate privilege of taking many flights in out and into the city over the past 4 weeks and I've made some observations that I think are moderately funny enough to maybe tickle your funny bone if not send you into hysterics of laughter.


So, here goes.


The very first thing that struck me was that stewardesses these days look so much like each other I couldn't help wonder whether they came off an assembly line now.


As for the safety features explanation, well, it wouldn't hurt to crack a smile. Especially when you're explaining what needs to be done in case we're gonna crash to an almost certain death or worse, a "water landing". Has anyone else also noticed how they cringe when they have to show the use of the oxygen mask? Some of them are so scared of the mask, they wont even put the band over their head!


The life jacket is a whole other thing altogether. the area around the neck is so dirty my heart goes out to the stewardess drawing it down her head and on her neck. But hey! Wait a minute! Aren't they the only ones that actually 'use' those?


Now well, I'm nearly not rich enough to fly business class and nearly not stupid enough to throw away that kind of money even if I were especially when the flight lasts just over an hour, more often than not. But there are a few observations there too that I'd like to someday verify, and I will be stupid for a day just to get some questions answered.


Like, what happens when after the flight has taken off and the stewardess draws the curtains that divide the kings from the paupers? Is there some kind of a special in-flight entertainment system that gets activated? Do a couple of Lebanese belly dancers pop out of the closet and do a little twirl and twist? Or does the captain step out of his inadequately spaced cockpit for a breath of fresher air and do a little juggling act for the benefit of the business class traveler?


While I'm talking about the captain, barring maybe one out of the ten that I have experienced, does anyone really know what they mumble from time to time on the P.A. system? And why do they never. ever, get the stewardesses' names right? And who made them "Commanders"?


There's a lot to be said about the passengers too though. Like how they will just not turn off their phones or laptops even it it means that they will be the cause for an aforementioned 'water landing'. And how they will bring bags too large for the overhead storage compartment and push and force and tug til one of the much thinner than them stewardesses will arrive and gracefully, in two swift moves, put the errant bag and passenger in their place. Or like how they just cant wait for the seat-belt sign to be turned off and jump out of their seats the moment the aircraft touches the ground like they were attacked by a vicious airplane-seat parasite. And first-time travelers are the best! Cries of "EXCUSE ME!" and "HELLO!" render the air when someone wants a water or maybe just some attention. How many times has anyone noticed someone ask for a "Times" or an "HT" and refuse to even touch another newspaper when the stewardess hands them one?


I shake my head lightly, chuckle under my breath, and reach for the Batman graphic novel that I carried along. I will be flying again soon. There will be more stories to be told. For now though, I open to page 34, and read with a smile, as Batman stands quietly in the shadows while Gordon and Dent go on about how Gotham is not the paradise it used to be.


Oh to have a personal jet or jetpack.