Sh(o)ut it out

Shut it out.
Shut out the noise!
All this screaming and shouting
These calls for peace are flouting
The code for noise pollution
While people die
Their screams are deafening
Louder than the bombs that blew their homes and worlds to little bits and pieces
What peace?
What harmony?
When a piece of land is the reason a man can shed another man's blood

When a woman's screams are inaudible where violence is an everyday occurrence

Stop this screaming

You're waking me from my reverie

I'm numb and want to spend a moment of solitude with my dreams

I've closed out the pain and you should too

What freedom are you talking of?

The whole world is a game of chess and we are merely the pawns in an everlasting struggle to dominate the chessboard

Take it like it is

Be silent and don't utter a word or let a sound of protest escape your lips

Be stupid

Because stupidity is its own reward

Millions of your money are being spent to make the 1 percent richer and richer

Drown out your poverty

Your inability to have one square meal

It is no concern of mine

Let me have my tranquility

Israel and Palestine

From car bombs to land mines

Children screaming from the pain

Of shrapnel and the missing person from what was once a family portrait

Stifle their screams

Because that's what the world leaders are doing

Let no one be answerable

Because a genocide is just another page in our history books

Shut up!

Shut up with all the whining of equal rights and human rights

What right do you have to live or love?

What right do you have to an education?

Your voice has no place in society

Nigeria

Your children don't deserve to be treated as children

They don't deserve an education or the right to even be considered human

They are witches and should be denounced

Pour oil down their throats

Silence their voices in the very churches that you sing praises to the high one

Uganda

It was always Adam and Eve

Not Adam and Steve

Never mind that Adam and Eve had three SONS and it was on their shoulders that the rest of humanity came to be

No one heard them screaming "Where are the women?"

No one should hear your screaming that it is love and not lust that you propagate.

No one is bothered about the science that aims to try and understand why it occurs in nature so rampantly

All this noise is messing with my brain

It thumps and it hurts from all the incessant sobbing that I hear around me

Stop.

Stop the noise.

Stifle the sounds of your rifles and your crossbows when you take down the last lion and elephant to ever walk the earth.

Hit them swift and quiet so that not a sound escapes their once-powerful jaws and trunks

If the animals don't go and the groaning forests do not disappear in entirety there will remain no place for the rest of us humans

We have inherited the earth and all it's natural resources

Stop with the fake sounds of global warming and depleting coal and oil deposits

The earth has been around for millions of years and will stay for millions of years more

You, fortunately, will not last the turn of the century

Stop with your campaigning and your policies that demand change in the way we treat the environment and each other

This noise will not be tolerated and will be met with the silenced muzzle of a licensed assault rifle in the name of national security or personal safety

Or you will be called a traitor to the religion or the patriotism that sets the rules for your existence in your country

Stop.

Be quiet.

Speak no more.

Campaign no more.

Raise no voices in protest.

For it will always be silenced.

Condemnation, revile. Flaying conflagration, denouncing stigma.

Regression, such a great obsession
Passion, of the one that rose
Winning, such a lowly measure
Annihilating, intellectual treasure
Fearless, the voice of dissent
Meaningless, the voice of discontent
Votes and choices, such a dull concession
Slandering voices, a collective discussion
Representing, the face of progress
Abusing, individual mightiness

Standing on the sidelines we yell and scream, voices of dissent, of pain and anguish. Anguish at the state of affairs, at the scene of the crime, embroiled in controversies and the geopolitical landscape of nonexistent boundaries. Boundaries that are set by a select few, the ones that dictate, that oppress and suppress and throw the agents of disagreement into the dark recesses of man-made despair. Despair! Do not stop! Do not give up! Fear not the consequence of your words or actions. Worry not about the effects of the fire of revolution. For if you despair, you act! Give up, the complacence formed in your mind of there not being a choice, of not being able to make a difference, of being called unpatriotic. For only if you see the bad, can you be the agent of change. Change your mind about being the small squeaky voice that has no power! Use every medium that is at your disposal. Fight the status quo. Don't be blinded, or fooled, or subdued into complacence.

No. These aren't words of wisdom or a plea to the collective conscience to be revolutionaries. Truth be told though, change is the need of the hour. Question is, how are you going to be a part of it?

Silent observer, or active participant. You choose.

Patriot?

Here are a few questions, should someone care to answer them.

Why should I be a patriot?
Why should I stand up when the national anthem is played?
Why should the national anthem be played before a movie at the theatre?
Why force patriotism on me?
Why am I required to not just listen to, but stand up and respect the national anthem, when all I wanted to do was watch the movie I bought the tickets to?
Why then, is the national anthem also not played on television before every movie?
Why should I be a patriot because I live in a country or I was born in it or my parents were?
Why does a woman from the same country get raped or beaten or abused?
Why do the cops treat the citizens of the country like they were dogs?
Why do I have to take permission to be outdoors or at a club or pub or disco or bar or restaurant from the moral police of this country?

Why should I pay taxes?
Why can I not be seen in public holding hands with or hugging or kissing the one I love?
Who the fuck are you to tell me I should love any country?
Who do I hold responsible for the scams?
Who said this is a poor country?
Who do I hold responsible for my family's safety?
Where does all the money from all the scams go?
Where is the freedom that the constitution promises to protect?
What makes your god better than anyone else's?
What is the rate at which I can measure the world's downfall?
Why are temples so rich and people so poor?
Why are politicians such assholes?
Why do we vote these assholes into power?
Why should one vote?
Why not use love as a weapon?
Why guns?
Why hate another country?
Why throw away or burn so much money?
Why reservations?
Who ensures the right to life?
Why are we destroying the planet?
Why nuclear power?
Why NOT leave for greener pastures?
Why drugs?
Why corporate slavery?
Why not solar power?
Why poach?
Why do you like tiger skins and elephant tusks and the furs of other animals to make you look beautiful?
What makes you so perfect?
What is science if not the pursuit of progress?
Why abuse science to further personal interests?
Why poverty?
Why economical instability?
Why turnovers of millions?
Why is one state richer than the other?
Why do some people drive a rolls royce when some others cannot afford a bicycle?
Why should I be politically correct but it is okay for me to be grammatically incorrect?
Why should I not punch square in the jaw the person who teases and gropes women in buses?
Why should I not drive a knife through the heart of the person who rapes?
Why should I be patriotic if it means I should shut up about everything that's wrong about this country?
Why should I leave this country?
Why should I not  raise my voice enough that more people sit up and take notice?
Am I alone?

Come to me, mistery

I tired of the wait
It was torture
So I took a walk
And hoped to find you
In the milling crowds
On the bustling streets
All lit up in festive fervour
And loneliness greeted me
For you were not to be found
Why? Why are you so far away?
Yet always on my mind?
So I started another search
One that would take me places
From the very space I sat
In the hope that i would find
The mist that is you
And I found from many years ago
The very words that poured from your heart
Emotions that took the form of poetry
Closer to you they brought me
While you slept, beautiful and free
I waited for morning light
From halfway across the world
And yet while I wandered
You crept into my consciousness
And left without making a sound
And now I wait again
For your return
As a figment of my imagination
Or as sunshine
Bright and warm and real
Take pity on me then
A worthless human
And come to me again
For ethereal as you are
To me, you're as real, as real can be

Watered down dreams

It rained, it poured

On sun-scorched streets

The ashes of a million dreams

Kicked up as the drops fell

A sole soul

Sitting in the darkness

Huddles against the downpour

Shielding body and possessions

The wisdom of the known and the yet to be known

A division in the mind of the wicked

Wasters

Wasters of resources, precious and pure

Yet the knowledge

They lacked or possessed

Never could unfold

The dreams

The dreams of the huddled masses

Shielding body and possessions

Food

A book

Some refuge

Collected from the deluge

To quench the parched

For when the sun strikes down again

And dries up

Watered down dreams

Of flying without wings

I've had the fortunate privilege of taking many flights in out and into the city over the past 4 weeks and I've made some observations that I think are moderately funny enough to maybe tickle your funny bone if not send you into hysterics of laughter.


So, here goes.


The very first thing that struck me was that stewardesses these days look so much like each other I couldn't help wonder whether they came off an assembly line now.


As for the safety features explanation, well, it wouldn't hurt to crack a smile. Especially when you're explaining what needs to be done in case we're gonna crash to an almost certain death or worse, a "water landing". Has anyone else also noticed how they cringe when they have to show the use of the oxygen mask? Some of them are so scared of the mask, they wont even put the band over their head!


The life jacket is a whole other thing altogether. the area around the neck is so dirty my heart goes out to the stewardess drawing it down her head and on her neck. But hey! Wait a minute! Aren't they the only ones that actually 'use' those?


Now well, I'm nearly not rich enough to fly business class and nearly not stupid enough to throw away that kind of money even if I were especially when the flight lasts just over an hour, more often than not. But there are a few observations there too that I'd like to someday verify, and I will be stupid for a day just to get some questions answered.


Like, what happens when after the flight has taken off and the stewardess draws the curtains that divide the kings from the paupers? Is there some kind of a special in-flight entertainment system that gets activated? Do a couple of Lebanese belly dancers pop out of the closet and do a little twirl and twist? Or does the captain step out of his inadequately spaced cockpit for a breath of fresher air and do a little juggling act for the benefit of the business class traveler?


While I'm talking about the captain, barring maybe one out of the ten that I have experienced, does anyone really know what they mumble from time to time on the P.A. system? And why do they never. ever, get the stewardesses' names right? And who made them "Commanders"?


There's a lot to be said about the passengers too though. Like how they will just not turn off their phones or laptops even it it means that they will be the cause for an aforementioned 'water landing'. And how they will bring bags too large for the overhead storage compartment and push and force and tug til one of the much thinner than them stewardesses will arrive and gracefully, in two swift moves, put the errant bag and passenger in their place. Or like how they just cant wait for the seat-belt sign to be turned off and jump out of their seats the moment the aircraft touches the ground like they were attacked by a vicious airplane-seat parasite. And first-time travelers are the best! Cries of "EXCUSE ME!" and "HELLO!" render the air when someone wants a water or maybe just some attention. How many times has anyone noticed someone ask for a "Times" or an "HT" and refuse to even touch another newspaper when the stewardess hands them one?


I shake my head lightly, chuckle under my breath, and reach for the Batman graphic novel that I carried along. I will be flying again soon. There will be more stories to be told. For now though, I open to page 34, and read with a smile, as Batman stands quietly in the shadows while Gordon and Dent go on about how Gotham is not the paradise it used to be.


Oh to have a personal jet or jetpack.

You broke me

I blame you girl oh yes I do
Coz if you didn't love me the way you did
I'd still be sane, oh yes I would too
I wouldn't have given you my heart the way I did
I wouldn't have loved you so much
That when you left me my world would just shatter
Why did you have to go? What was the big rush?
My heart's such a mess but how does it matter?

You took it n crushed it n threw it away
Now what am I to do, what am I to even say?
You broke me so even my maker wont take me back
It might have seemed small but it's more than a crack

No matter where I go, I always see you
I hear your laughter and even your voice
Feel your scent in my nostrils, your hand in mine too
What's the real point though, it's not like I have a choice
Should'a known from the start that it was just a dream
Your love was for real but wasn't forever
I'll tell my heart not to scream
I'm guarding it now, wont let this happen, never


You took it n crushed it n threw it away
Now what am I to do, what am I to even say?
You broke me so even my maker wont take me back
It might have seemed small but it's more than a crack
No even my maker wont take me back
Believe me I tried, but He just wont take me back

'twas the night before Valentine's or The worst break-up ever!

'twas the night before Valentine's when all thru the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse

The soft toys were kept on the table with care
In hopes that my love would soon be there

Dinner was prepared and so was the bed
I sat there waiting, holding my head

While i was waiting i poured me a nightcap
I didn't realise when i fell into a nap

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the chair to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters, and threw up the sash.

The alarms came on, the porch lights aglow
Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But my girl in a mini, chugging eight cans of beer,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be some prick

More rapid than eagles his curses they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and started callin me names

"Now! ****er, now! ****er, now! *****er, and ***en,
"Oh! Come, on! Come, on! D***** and B****;

So screaming he went  to the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
"Now **** off! **** off! **** off you all!"

So the neighbours woke up as the curses they flew,
With the porch full of puke and empty cans too:

He was dress'd all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnish'd with ashes and soot;

A bundle of "toys" was flung on his back,
And he look'd like a peddler just opening his pack:

The stump of a cigar he held in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.

He was chubby and plump, a right troll-y old elf,
And I laugh'd when I saw him in spite of myself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know I was gonna be dead.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And started kissing my girl right in front of me that jerk,

Then sticking his finger inside of his nose
He flung forth a booger, up the porch steps he rose.

He sprung to his mini, to my girl gave a whistle,
And away they all drove, like the down of a thistle:

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight
"Happy Valentine's to you, and i'm banging her right!".

The fool on the hill

Look up! You'll find me standing there

Looking stupid

Trying to grab your attention

I'm the fool on the hill

Dancing this dance for you

I wave and I shout

And I jump around

Trying, if only, to get a glimpse from you

I'm the fool on the hill

Dancing this dance for you

I wish you'd turn

And look in my direction

I've been here awhile

I'm the fool on the hill

Dancing this dance for you

You might have noticed me

I don't know for sure

I've been here forever

And forever I will

I'm the fool on the hill

Dancing this dance for you

I've got so much more to give

I didn't do enough
But I still did a lot
I gave you my heart
Our souls bound as one
And then you left
Never to return
I waited on you
While my heart wept a lot

If only you'd stayed long enough
You'd have known
I've got so much more to give

These memories will be
With me till the end of my days
I mended my ways
I got better
And better I would get
In this time and the next
I would love you without rest
It wouldn't always be
Rainbows and butterflies
But if you'd have stayed


If only you'd stayed long enough
You'd have known
I've got so much more to give


I can't lay the blame on you
No i can't
No matter how many ways
You find to say
It wasn't me it was you
I know better than that
Situations
Circumstances
Trials and tribulations
I'd have found a way to work around
And make it a better life
A life full of love
A life so complete
A life where there'd be a lot of you n me


I didn't do enough
But I still did a lot
I gave you my heart
Our souls bound as one
And then you left
Never to return
I waited on you
While my heart wept a lot

If only you'd stayed long enough
You'd have known
I've got so much more to give

That what was

Sitting serenading of a love that was
a million questions unanswered since it was

why did she not know when it was early
that her future with him was gonna be blurry

He loves her, he does, like no other before
and never will he love anyone anymore

why when he held her hand and confessed
that she didn't see love and in-spite of it professed

what happens now that his heart is broken
she just walks away like its not her problem

He loves her, he does, like no other before
and never will he love anyone anymore

Strength

i dont want to be strong if it means i bring so much as a tear to your eyes
i dont want to be strong if it means i dont have you in my life
i dont want to be strong if it means i dont have your hand in mine
i dont want to be strong, no i just dont want to get in line


This heart has been broken before
And every time i pick up the pieces
I'm missing one or two or more


i dont want to be
no i just dont want to be
i dont want to be
strong anymore

Some thoughts, wishes, and words.

For years, I searched in vain, for peace, for love, for tranquility, you already know.
With you I found these, I let go of all vanity, you already know.
For you, I lived, I'd die, I'd fight death and come back, but then, you already know.
I'd wait for you, a lifetime, a million lifetimes, for your return, and again, you already know.

But then, you already know all this and more,
My thoughts, my feelings, have never been hidden from you before,
My life's an open book, to your eyes, if only you'd look,
I wish times were different, I wish situations weren't so demanding,

I can only wish, that you be mine, forever,
Forever, an eternity in my eyes, I only wish, time stood still, when I was with you,
I'd have held your hand then, and never let go,
I'd have hoped then, that everything would've been alright,

And hope would have lived within me,
An undying flame, fanned by the feelings, within me
And hope, would have kept you by my side,
Hand in hand, the way it is, with people in love, but that, you already know.

Memories Remain

Like dust we will all be one with the earth one day,

Friends, families, foes, all left behind,

And in time, pictures will fade,

No musical ode or poem will keep us immortal,

Holding on to fragile hope, trying to see like we once saw,

Innocence lost, jobs found, emotions burnt and rebuilt,

How we will want and long to go back to those times but in vain,

In the end, Nothing but memories remain.

The sad state of our country

I don't care if it was indeed Ajmal Kasab's birthday

I don’t give a rats ass for that bastard. 

I’m happy that my family is unharmed. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not pissed angry that this happened again.

How, in spite of all the “naka bandis” and everyone having to leave early for work just to make it in time, that they arrested two “terrorists” 2 days before the blast and didn’t manage to get anything out of them?

Was it really a terrorist attack? Or was it an attempt by those in power to shift the nation’s focus away from what it was fighting for, the Jan Lokpal Bill? And has it always been like this? Every time we are up in arms about something will matters to us, our attention is taken away by a blast or communal riots or something of that kind.

And we WILL bounce back!

YES WE WILL YOU IN POWER! AND YES WE WILL YOU RUNNING THE TV AND RADIO CHANNELS!

But it’s only because we HAVE TO!

And like the last time, WHERE are you? You who makes fiery speeches! You who think you rule this city! Where were you and your “army” when Kasab and his cronies held this city to ransom? Where were you when the bodies need to be carried away? Where were your men when we needed “fighters” to bring them down.

You will beat me up if I hold my girlfriend’s or wife’s hand in public. And your men go drown themselves in booze at whore houses and dance bars.

And Mr. Government official who runs our lives for us, and bleed us dry with taxes so high that we live from payday to next payday. Do you know what has happened in the US of A after 9/11? NOTHING! And do you know why? It’s because they bother about the citizens who brought them into power.

And they fought back!

Who am I? I’m the one asking the questions, before another bomb blows me, and fifty others like me, to bits.

Because soon after, this city will pick up the pieces, limp for a day, and get back to business. Because, we are NUMB!

Liquor factory blues

Man: where do you work?

Man2: at this liquor company

Man: wow! so you should have a bar at home!

Man2: wha?! why?

Man: since you work at that big liquor company you should get stuff home. have a decent bar setup.

Man2: hmmm. so does that mean that if i worked for the railways i ought to get a couple trains home?

i am someone's perfect girl (Part Deux)

"I'm a self-described coffee and cupcake addict." she saidTo which i say, Good on you sweetheart! if one doesn't give you enough of a high to come up with crap like this, the other will!

"I'm not an alcoholic, but I do love good beer, good wine and a good time."
And i like to pee in my pants every once in a while... it's the warm feeling i'm addicted to...

"I go to plays and musicals because I love them."
I go to plays and musicals only because i like to catcall and heckle at the performers!

"I dance because it's fun."

You get the time to dance after filling out all those subscriptions for magazines???

i am someone's perfect girl

Got this mail today...

"I am someone's perfect girl.
I hoard books.
I read news all the time."

and it goes on...

Actually...

Got more mails like this today...

about 27 of them...

kinda hard to believe you girl. when there are so many of you saying the same thing.

"I subscribe to several magazines and newspapers, not because I have time to read all of them, but because I like to think I do."

Seriously?! you like to think you have the time to read all of the magazines and newspapers you subscribe to?

you know what i think girl?

Your country's economy must run thanks to these very magazine and newspaper manufacturers... given that you claim to subscribe to so many of them, and i have about 3870 mails from more like you with the exact same claim, and given the predictions, i might receive about 9987 more mails like this from different girls like you by the end of the month, that's a lot of money being pumped into the system eh?

(and that's the first installment in what i can hope to be is a funny series of replies to a mail that comes to me from different names)

watch out for more soon...

The Change, Me

I am quite the bastard

But I’m changing

And I hope I can give you all that you deserve

By being and getting better

For you

For us

I must warn you though

I’m quite the cynic

And everything I see I take with more than just a pinch of salt

So if I embarrass you

I’m apologizing now

As I will then too

Will you be ok with that?

There is no turning back now

Isn’t there?

Walk away, if you want to, NOW

I will nurse my bleeding heart

And don’t look back

To see if I’m ok

I will be

Some day

Maybe not this time

Maybe not till the next time I will be burnt

But I will live

For live I must

And cherish the memories

Of times spent in your presence

So walk away

If you want, NOW

And I will nurse my bleeding heart

Why movies do not work today

It's because of bloopers, outtakes and end credit behind-the-scenes

Sure it makes for good entertainment and a few good laughs

But does it make for a good movie?

Take Ben Hur for example

A huge success with 11 Academy awards!

Imagine how it would be if after the grand end of the movie the viewer is treated to a few, well, bloopers!

Imagine in the scene when Ben Hur saves Quintus Arrius and he asks him "Why did you save me?" and Ben Hur replies "Coz I couldn't let your punk ass drown!" and they both broke out into laughter!

Wouldn't work

Or how about when Pontius Pilate and Ben Hur are having their little tete-a-tete and break out into laughter all around and there was much slapping of backs because Pontius Pilate forgets his lines 7 times in a row?

Wouldn't work

So today, and this is for you Mr. Filmmaker, make a great movie but do not have end credit bloopers and outtakes. Wait a year, and then release it as a separate DVD that costs half the rate of the actual movie.

You're making your money and people get their laughs and the Oscars are already in the bag!

ROTFLMAOSHIG!!!

Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Ass Off So Hard I'm Gagging!!!

An expression given to the feeling when the humour from an act or occurrence makes one laugh so hard that said person then starts coughing due to a gagging feeling felt in said person's throat. Most often used in an online (on the internet) scenario to express humourous appreciation of a post e.g. a joke, a funny video, a limerick, etc.

yes! i made that up! jeez! dont you get it already? it's what i do...

The crying beauty by the sea

I remember now, i saw into your eyes, not many years ago

And pain looked back at me

You sat there on that bench, staring at the sea

The wind, salty and harsh, blew a foamy spray in your face

Unblinking, with tears in your eyes you were, looking far into open space

What troubles, i wonder, put a furrow on your brow

Who was it that put you in this predicament?

What makes you ignore your drenched clothes, sitting there, it's freezing and i wonder how

Lean on me, my shoulder's yours

Here, wipe your tears, your mascara stains your face

Lending to you a different beauty, though it means you're in pain

Get up now, hold my hand, walk with me

Sunset approaches, the night is near

The hounds are a howling, their hunger awakening

Be wary now, hostility is a linger, don't worry now, you have me here

And then she came, she walked with me

Far into the darkness, her fears at rest

Away from the pain and her travails

The castaway, the beautiful angel, that discarded best

Two souls, one conversation

The dark sky turned blue bright

Don't know when was the last time i closed my eyes

It's the journey from sleep to rise

That makes life appear so simplified

Simplicity redefined

Your lack of sleep justified

This life undignified

Or troubles magnified

One thing Testified

Your strength exemplified

An angel personified

Why is life being so mean with me?

Feeling so tired of pulling me out of the depths every time

I'm wishing something very bad for me

And wishing strongly

Oh angel sweet about this think

I've loved and cared about you

For as long as i can remember

And if anything were to happen to you

Think about what would happen to me

Because i wont die or force life to end

I will live with the pain

And the fact that I didn't do a thing about it

You see that which is unseen

I'm a book with a million pages

Stacked behind the glossy heap

The chapters are mercilessly torn

How then did you read me?

The being in its entirety

See the beauty in the moon

The dark spots don't bother

The star faintest catches your attention

Amidst the sparkling brilliance

It's not the beauty there

It's the one in thy eyes

What you see sometimes deceives

It's not the eyes that comprehend

It's the soul that feels

The bleeding heart that heals

Your touch that works these wonders

Must be the ninth wonder

Thanks to the sixth sense (hehe!)

Angel you're precious

Don't let anyone lead you into thinking otherwise

In this life or the next

No riches would equal your presence

Fame or fortune

A Pandora's box accompanies the vanities' case

In my case

The heart seeks to conquer

It's reach unhindered

Not by praise

Nor by misfortune

My quest for love

The meaning to life

The seeds of truth

Led me to you

Mere words or sheer belief

Your fair ways leave me in awe

Your quest will take you to greater destinations

I'm just a weed in the path

Mistaken for a flower

An orchard of the rarest

The most beautiful

The most pure

No weed this

But merely in it's existence

Enriching life's force

Verbose

here i am, sitting, crying, paining...

my heart is hurting, burning, aching...

eyes are smarting, tearing, i'm trying...

to stop them from flowing, i hope no one's watching...

all the effort that i'm making.

here i am, lying in my bed, sheets drawn over my head...

thinking about all the sweet times we had together...

sulking, grieving, that tomorrow you'll be gone...

knowing that now you're going, i will again be alone...

hoping, waiting that someday we'll be meeting once again.

here i am, working, concentrating, trying not to think of all the pain...

but my mind is wandering to you always, again...

i wonder what you're doing...

are you all right or do you also feel the same?

cursing, swearing that my luck is playing a game...

all my life i've been craving for the loving and the caring, that you've been showering on me when you were here.

here i am, doing nothing, idling, whiling my time away...

thinking, remembering, enjoying the memories...

of your smiling dimpled face, of your shining, swaying, hair...

of your look, your touch, your staring, into deep open space.

i am knowing of the fact that you are probably feeling worse than i...

missing that early morning waking, that afternoon chat...

the evening, walking by the bay, hand in hand...

dreams together, singing in one voice...

the kissing and trying new ways of saying "i love you"...

and goofing around, just the same...

you'll be missing things way past my imagining that i know.

hang in there my sweetheart, i'll be there...

i'll be waiting for your returning, just right here...

i know what you're going through and i love you and i care...

if you ever need me know that i'll be there...

etherealmerman

to his "little mermaid" Hebrides

death

darkness embedded in my being
my soul unforgiving
i close my eyes call out a prayer
there's no one to answer no one to heed
my call in the night goes unheard
even in the light the screams unrelenting
mind in a twist
messed up and clouded in mist
i try to focus, my thoughts run astray
no chance this is happenin, no way
i'm fighting it but i know i cant win
this is it, time to throw the towel in
"i give up" i yell, i scream , i shout
blows after hard blows rain down, the baton stout
the taste of blood, metallic, at the back of my throat
not a sound escapes me as my spirit goes afloat
the end

Identity of our world

religious harmony?
what's the big deal?
high class? low class? middle class?
what's the big deal?
hindu? christian? buddhist? muslim?
i dont really know but is there really a difference?
color of skin?
or thickness of blood?
or maybe the size of their pockets?
or is it the cars they drive?
is it just me or are there others who dont quite understand?
why should there be a line?
drawn to distinguish people?
what is your identity?
what is mine?
my name?
what i do?
what state i belong to?
what religion i follow?
not who i am?
isnt that a little off?
or is it just me shooting my mouth?
what's the big deal?
do fancy houses matter?
or the breed of the dog the gardener or watchman is walkin?
what's the big deal?
people killing each other in the name of caste and religion?
can we all not just be humans?
or are we waiting for a higher calling?
is god going to come down to show us that we're wrong?
i dont think so
i think he made us all the same, irrespective of caste, creed or colour
i think its more important to just be good human beings
i think its important we dont give our kids a legacy of hatred
i think its important that i make a difference
doest it really matter what i think?
make me feel different...
start loving... stop discriminating...

At Night (My Tryst With Destiny)

There was a time at night when i sat up...
drinking... cursing the world... smoking... searing my lungs... crying tears of blood... thinking of my cruel luck... of days past... fruitless and black... and of the future... bleak...

Then there was a time at night when i sat up...
treasuring your presence in the room... watching you in beautiful sleep... fanning you when the lights went out... on a warm night... trying to keep you cool... observing your angelic demeanour... even in sleep so graceful... so beautiful... thanking the lord... for having changed my entire life... for giving me you... running my hand through your hair... just seeing you... taking it all in... breathing in whiffs of your body's aroma... picturing a future with one of gods most beautiful creations... you... holding you in my lap... not stirring... for fear that you'd wake up...

Now there is a time at night when i sit up...
drinking... cursing the world... smoking... searing my lungs... crying tears of blood... I've lost you... you've gone away... thinking of my cruel luck... how could i be so stupid... i broke your trust in me... thinking of days past... so beautiful... so colorful... and complete... i destroyed it with my own hands... shattered my life into a million pieces... thinking of my future... so lonely... so forlorn... so incomplete... so bleak...

When i sit up at night...
All i do is miss you...

On Love Lost

LIFE! (or my prayer in despair)

My life,
is not my own to call...
I live,
only because i have to...
I live,
because my life was given to me by the being that commands life to all...
I live,
because that life is a loan from one who saved it from despair...
I live,
because it is not mine to put and end to...
My life,
is a favour granted from the one that pulled it out from the raging fires of hell...
I live,
because someday i will find a way to repay my mentor...

Oh sweet angel that granted me "A Life"
Why also did you not take it with you when you went away...
At least i wouldnt be living a life that isnt mine...

Is life worth living?
When all you've lived for has been taken from your life...

Is life worth living?
When there is nothing but sadness and more despair in tomorrow again...

Is this life worth living?
Or couldnt you have given me death?

That be possibly sweeter than this bitter pill that you've forced down my throat oh Lord...

Is this really... My life?

A State of Mind

In conversation with a creature of the dark

I ask
a daywalker from the still of the night?
divine you call yourself yet belong to the depths...
what does your search bring forth in this dimension?
for i have searched and have only found death...

And She replies
The primitive pursuit in the darkened woods
led me no further from where I stood.
The holy surface or the shallow Depths
to the periphery of divinity I never clung
To what avail this abandonment
when the words still hang 'twixt life and death
The sinful wrong became my penchant to hunt.
alone i revel in the discovery of death.

And so
in salutation then...
solitute is not yours alone,
for i have conquered the darkness too.
life being a state of wakefulness and death the absence of life...
to you may life give aplenty,
be your conquests then not inclined,
to death but to eternity.

I ask again
fear of the unknown,
tells me not to venture...
been bitten, yet feel no pain,
mighty foolish, at this juncture...
playing with the wind, an imaginary friend,
feeble hope, in my mind, of a reality different...
to thee i come then, eyes shut tight,
flight not an option, neither fear a deterrent...
my quest, for truth, and many answers,
who art thou, n whither art thou from...
so grant me then this wish, creature of the dark,

ally, i ask to be, no longer my quest humdrum...

with The Punk Wolf (Punkerina!)

Scars

Your wrists, cut, bled and healed.
Your heart, broken, mended.

The torture, painfully real, you defied.
The pain, seared, burned and died.

Hell, endured, survived, defeated.
Its thirst, with tears, you quelled.

Fears, you fought and allayed.
Darkness, you chased, and dispelled.

Scars, they remain.
Memories, they stay.

Wisdom, with experience.
Continued existence, with strength and fortitude.

May they be, may they stay, may they grow with each passing day.
May peace be yours, may your heart be light.
May each day be conquered, with womanly might.

On a Woman's Endurance.

Dedicated to M. D'Souza

Only the greatest respect Ma'am...

Yeah Right!!

Well...

Scratch my ass for good luck...

And Damn when i say damn!

I was traveling by train the other day and i made the mistake of timing my need to get there at what is called peak time.

It was peak time alright.

The peak time of madness.

I thought at one point of time in my life that i could jostle for space.

Man i was put to shame.

These people would kill to get on the train if the need arose or even to get out.

What the SH**?! Ow! There went my little toe.

Hey! Is that somebody feelin up my ass!

FU** you and your trunk full of rocks man!!! you just broke my shinbone!

Whoa!! There aint no more place here man! Get the next one! An ant couldnt enter in here.

Eww!! Stop digging your nose right in front of my face dude! You wont find gold no matter how deep you dig.

Hey! Really large mean looking bouncer type guy! Ok i wasnt yelling but please... please... Please get your armpit outta my nose so i can breathe.

No. No! NO! i Dont want you to press up against me to let the other guy go! I'm not for that kinda close proximity!

Whoa! WHOA! Watch It. WATCH IT! WATCH IT!!! Thonk! There goes my Cranium... Or at least the front of it... I've got this bump on my forehead now that seems like i'm gonna sprout a single horn where a bare flat piece of skin stretched out to form my forehead!

What? What is that? Hey that's my pocket! Not a waste-basket! If there's enough place for you in here to peel and eat oranges, there's enough place for you to throw the rind out the window at least!

Damn! Wrong time to answer the phone! I should've got my hands-free... Hello. I cant hear you. There's this noise from a bunch of guys doing some kinda chanting and banging and singing. I'll call you back!

Ok now what? No i dont believe in your God enough to want to give you money to create such a ruckus! Heck i dont believe in my God enough to want to go visit His house.

No I dont want to buy a pen! And i dont want coloring books for my non-existent children either! How did you get in here anyway! And stop poking that cane in my eyes!

And if you can maneuver though this jungle of human bodies you can find a way of stashing your bag. What if you got a country made one in there? I got enough worries of my own.

Woman! Dont give me that look like i voilated you! You should know better than to travel in the general can of sardines! That's why they have a special can of sardines for you to travel in! And your stop is a half hour away! What?! Are you suicidal?!

Damn! There goes my phone again! FU** it! Let it buzz.

Hey! You're not gonna be able to answer your phone in here either! Do you have to figure out which ringtone best suits this environment right now?!

Get a pair of headphones for that crap you're playing! You might as well carry a jukebox fastened round your neck! I'd like to listen to something of my choice too.

Hey! Were you sleeping in this mess? You didnt know you wanted to get off here? Stop shoving and wait for the next stop now! Hey! Hey!! Its not that important. Dont kill yourself!

Stop drooling on my shoulder man! Hey! That's not your pillow!
Hey! This is not my stop!

I dont want to get off here! Wait! WAIT!

I'm hanging on for dear life!

Whooooooa!

WOW! That felt like i was superman! I was flying! But hey! I can breathe again!

I dont give a shit! Barring a toe smashed to a pulp and a horn where there shouldnt be one, i'm alive! i'll figure out another way to get there!

So what if my clothes are like they just came out of the washing machine?

So what if i'm missing one shoe and my knuckles feel numb from holding on too tight, i'm alive! i'll figure out another way to get there!

On Train Travel

Pain

pain seems such an intense feeling...
what about the people who have felt it?
pain in the loss of a dear friend...
pain in the gain of a huge fortune...
pain in the knowledge that tomorrow may never come...
pain for the child in the street who lives for today...
pain for victims of insane brutality...
pain in the fear that it could have been someone i know...

has pain a threshold of tolerance?
can pain really be measured like distance or time?
if yes what would it be named?
would it be based on the intensity of the feeling?
or the physical bearing of scars?

pain has different meaning to those who have experienced the pain...
have we experienced what could be the maximum payload of pain?
or does life have worser in store for us?
will being prepared help?
or will it lessen the pain?

i do not know the extremities of the pain you've endured...
neither do i think i've had worse...
what i do know is you've had some bad times...
and sometimes sharing is the only way to reduce the pain...

More ranting.

Desertion

i thought i had a friend in you...
but you deserted me too...

i opened out my heart to you...
but you deserted me too...

i shared all my sorrows with you...
but you deserted me too...

i offered my strong shoulders to you...
but you deserted me too...

i thought i sensed something special in you...
but you deserted me too...

i was happy i'd found the truth in you...
but you deserted me too...

i shared a happy moment with you...
but you deserted me too...

i cussed the world together with you...
but you deserted me too...

i began respecting myself again, thanks to you...
but you deserted me too...

i KNEW i had a friend in you...
but you deserted me too...

Rantings again.

Virtual insanity

you came to me with the want to know more...
a facination for the unknown...
a quest for mystery...

i dont know who you are or where you come from...
heck i dont even know your name...

you are more of a mystery to me than me to you...
is this real? i ask myself...
or is this another one from the endless infinity of bullshit called the internet...

i dont know who you are or where you come from...
heck i dont even know your name...

veiled in a thin shroud of secrecy you seem...
so distant, so vague, so unclear...
i'm thinking... this is not what it seems... holy crapola!! i just saw elvis!!!

i dont know who you are or where you come from...
heck i dont even know your name...

On Online Mania.

Philosophically yours

understanding the universe is something our astronomers are striving for,
eternity is something lovers quote when prophesising their love,
love is a misnomer to the animal that just got poached,
killing is duty for the man thats trying to earn his bread and butter (or should i say meat and bones?)
coz he chose it to be that way,
choices are something everyone has but almost everyone ends up making the wrong one,
the right one is what the wrong one isnt...
crazy???
true...
where are we,
how did we reach here???
i dont have answers to all of life's questions,
neither does HE,
sometimes you have to find out for yourself.
Confused???
Thats me...

Rantings.

That what was

i realised too late in life i had set unrealisable goals,
i lived too much of my life in the hope that i would get the courage to do it tomorrow,
i spent too much of my time trying to catch up with change,
i lived in someone else's shoes,
i wore someone else's tunic and coat,
i searched in vain for that one perfect moment that eluded me all my life,
i am the perfect example of the philosophy of a life lived incomplete,
who put me in this compromise?
nobody but me...
CHANGE!!!
my mother told me,
CHANGE!!!
my friends warned me,
CHANGE!!!
i was told on the hospital bed...
nothing...
and now life eludes me...
any moment now i shall sigh...
that will change my life...
forever...

On Change.

The smile

It was sudden, and came, like a bolt from the blue…
It was beautiful, and not just coz I’m telling you…

She flashed it once, ‘n’ though it wasn’t at me…
It shone like a star, ‘n’ at once I felt free…

The sound of violins, or a flute and mellow singing…
Couldn’t match up to the music I heard that evening…

The evening was lit up and so was the night…
Darkness was banished whenever she smiled…

That day was then and this day is now…
I’ve been watching and waiting and living somehow…

Hoping that someday, she will turn to me…
Wishing that someday, she will smile at me…

This I must tell you, get it out of my brain…
I’d give half of my world, just to see her smile again…

Now don’t get me wrong, this is not a boyish crush…
Nor is it the heart, in its mad blushing rush…

An invitation of friendship, boundless and pure…
So I can see her smile more often, which was once so rare…

Her smile…

To the girl with the beautiful smile.

I can’t see the stars tonight

Flashes of light, green, blue and red, bright
Light up the sky, tonight
But I can’t see the stars tonight.

Greenhouse gases make the air difficult to breathe
My eyes burn as smoke from the millions fill the night
I can’t even see the stars tonight

The noise, makes it harder for me to hear,
I can’t think, or hear the the baby crying,
I can’t even see the stars tonight.

Coughing, sneezing, wheezing
Hundreds will find death closer…
They will not see the stars tonight.

It will be daylight soon
And morning walkers will choke in the smog
It’s bright all right but I know…
I wont see the stars tonight.

On the festival of lights in Bombay.